


When You Explained Me Jupiter

by Pipoces



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Misunderstandings, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, a little bit of etymology but not that much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25650418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pipoces/pseuds/Pipoces
Summary: Yamaguchi is completely confident that he would confess his feelings to Tsukishima one day, until his friend asks him for help in writing a love letter, and he doesn't know how to deal with it.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 24
Kudos: 269





	When You Explained Me Jupiter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you're well.  
> I always start my fanfics with an introduction here, but in this one I used very complicated words for my english, which is not my native language, so I apologize if I made any grammar mistakes, or I used very simple words that I ended up exaggerating. (if that is not the case, I left the definitions in the end note)  
> Anyway, I hope you like it!

One day, helping Hinata with his homework, Yamaguchi heard the orange haired boy saying that he divided words in two different sections on his mind: normal words and words that only Tsukishima would use, both titles being self explanatory. 

He was right, Tsukishima had a vast knowledge about words and their etymology, which was something that Yamaguchi used to hear a lot on lazy Sundays that he spent at his best friend's house. 

Hinata complained that was unfair that the blonde knew so many cool words being such a jerk. The freckled boy just laughed, he wasn't going to discuss if Tsukki was a jerk or not (something that he obviously is, but he can be really nice if he want to), but he interpreted in a different way. 

Tsukishima was incredibly good with words, but was terrible with feelings at the same amount.

He could know which context he could use words like  _ whimsical _ , or  _ circumspect,  _ he even used the word  _ flabbergasted _ once, but rarely one of them were attached to feelings.

(Except when Tsukki wanted to start some bickering, like the day he said to Hinata and Kageyama that he always experienced a big  _ schadenfreude  _ when he blocked their quick attack. None of them understood what he was trying to say, but he said something really difficult and it did them mad, which was hilarious.)

For him, words were systemic. They all followed an order, a pattern that formed them. If people studied them, they would understand that they are just derived from other smaller words, or older words. All of them were meticulously built from the context of time and place, and if placed correctly, they can provoke emotions, which are a thousand times more complex.

(Tsukishima explained this once after a practice and wanted to die when Tanaka overheard it and asked him to explain the etymology of the word "yeet", which the blonde piously denies is a word.)

Besides that, Tsukishima didn't speak much. These words were used in very few moments, like essays or literature tests, or when he wanted to mock someone. He knew several beautiful words, but he never used them.

It was fine though.

Yamaguchi wasn't that fond of languages, actually he liked math and physics better, and as much as he really enjoyed listening to the blonde babbling about etymologies, he was already satisfied with simple words.

He was thinking about it lying on his bed, looking at the plastic stars stuck to his ceiling years ago, letting a smile rise to his lips as he thought about his best friend. His cheeks were hot, but it was already a usual feeling, especially on nights when he couldn't sleep.

The problem was recurring during the week, as it was early February and, as a consequence, days increasingly closer to Valentine's Day.

This routine was basically his annual tradition during February: he looked forward to Valentine's Day, wrote a declaration of love in his notes, and when his eyes met Tsukishima's the next day, his whole confidence melted like a popsicle in a hot summer. 

Therefore, he promised himself that he would confess the following year, which has been happening since he was thirteen. 

He's sixteen right now, waiting for November to be seventeen.

Maybe he was pathetic.

It was dawn on the 14th when he received a message from Tsukishima.

[From: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

Hey

Are you awake?

[To: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

No

Pls contact Yamaguchi tomorrow

[From: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

You mean  _ tomorrow _ tomorrow or today's morning?

[To: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

Forget it

I'm just a bit sleepy (ᴗ˳ᴗ)

Do you need something, Tsukki?

[From: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

Can you help me with something?

Not now but at school

[To: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

Sure! (/^▽^)/

What is it?

[From: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

I need help with writing a letter.

[To: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

Hmm I'm afraid I will not be helpful

I'm not good with words as you, Tsukki

(っ- ‸ – ς)

[From: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

I know

But I'm not as good with feelings

It's a love letter

Yamaguchi had to read and reread the message to understand. Tsukishima? Making a love letter? A confession? Did that mean he was in love with... someone else?

The night so silent that the olive-haired boy swore he heard his heart breaking like thin glass.

It was as if his throat had made a tight knot, and it hurt physically. The hot tear streamed from his eye, making its way to the others that bordered the corner of his eyelid.

"What?"He said, staring at the cell phone screen. He really needed to turn off his cell phone, leaving it on the nightstand to spend his time just crying silently on the pillow.

There was nothing to talk about, he was heartbroken, and that was enough, so he cried himself to sleep.

* * *

"You didn't answer me earlier. " Tsukishima's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"I ended up sleeping. Sorry, Tsukki."

"You don't look well." His voice was monotonous as always, but Tadashi knew the middle blocker like the palm of his hand. Kei was worried, and it hurt like hell. 

"I was studying!" He replied nervously. "I slept on the desk. That's why I look so tired." He smiled, trying to assure his friend, who still didn't seem to buy the idea. "But who's the lucky one?"

Tsukishima sighed.

"I don't think the person feels the same. I just ... I don't want to hold on to those feelings anymore."

"Is this person so special to you, Tsukki?"

"It's someone I would give up on my pride just to let them know."

_ Ouch _ .

Yamaguchi cleared his throat, composing himself "And how do you expect me to help you, Tsukki? It's your feelings, after all."

"It's complicated. I don't know how to put it into words. It's like ... Ineffable." Ah, more difficult words. "And I think that just saying that is not enough."

For Tadashi, that would be more than enough.

"Do you think  _ I _ can put into words what  _ you _ feel?"

"It is not that I am asking you to write the letter for me. It's just ... " He blushed. " Shit, I like this person too much to organize my thoughts."

It was a declaration of vulnerability, basically. Tsukishima wouldn't say things like that to anyone, and Yamaguchi understood that privilege, even though he didn't use it often. Even so, he was not prepared to share this privilege with anyone.

It could be selfish, but he used feel unique when Kei told him that kind of things. After a while, it became so natural that he didn't even remember it. Perhaps this was the last moment that he was the only one.

They continued walking, in silence. The cold winter wind blew against their noses and dried their eyes, which was very convenient for Yamaguchi to let a few tears escape and use the weather as an excuse. Tsukishima ignored it.

Tadashi was feeling sick of his stomach when they arrived at school and saw several girls (and some boys) delivering chocolates and love confessions.

"Will you deliver the letter today?"

"I was planning to, but I wasn't able."

Yamaguchi bit his lip.

"I will try my best, Tsukki. Just don't expect too much from me."

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to." He didn't wanted, but… He felt like he should.

"I can do it, okay? We've been friends since forever, so I think I will always understand your feelings. " He smiled weakly.

Tsukishima stared at him for a few minutes.

"Shut up, Yamaguchi."

"I think I will." That comment made the taller boy frown. What was wrong with Yamaguchi?

* * *

Classes went on painfully slowly, and Yamaguchi was unable to concentrate on any of them. In fact, he spent all this time trying to not think about anything, because if he did, he would fall apart. No matter what subject the teachers were lecturing, if his mind was working, thoughts would be directed at Tsukishima at any time, so his blank notebook seemed more interesting.

Hours after relentless attempts to numb his own brain with willpower alone, the bell announced lunchtime. Unlike the days that Yamaguchi went to his best friend's table to eat, he didn't move a muscle, too focused on the random depressing words that he wrote in his notebook.

"Yamaguchi?" Again, Tsukishima called him.

"Sorry, Tsukki, I was spacing out."

"Right. Eat your lunch."

"Of course."

The first few minutes were desperately quiet. Tsukishima never brought up the subject, and Yamaguchi was too depressed to say anything. The blonde waited patiently, but he had no idea how to start. 

"So… Can we talk about… The letter?"

"Whatever you want is fine, Tsukki."

"Okay. I have no idea how to actually start."

His brown eyes were on the floor, he dared not look up. 

"Maybe you should tell how you feel first."

The middle blocker nodded, writing something at his notebook.

"This is so cheesy."

Yamaguchi would not force himself to read it. Yamaguchi would not force himself to read it. Yamaguchi would not force himself to read it. Yamaguchi would-

"Can I read it?"

Reluctant, the other boy gave him his notebook.

_ I love everything about him, an abysmal feeling, so deep that I could drown in it. _

"This is…" He swallowed his tears. It wasn't _that_ poetical, but he wanted it so badly for him. "... Beautiful. But… depending on the person, they may find it a bit dramatic. If they don't know you, they may think you're overreacting it."

"I see. That's wouldn't be a problem, then."

Who did Tsukishima like? Was it someone close? Who could have approached him so easily? Was it someone from the training camp? Was it someone from school? Was it someone he didn't know? What was so good about this person? What was missing in Yamaguchi?

"I think you should write about what like about this person after."

Awkwardly, he slowly cited a relatively extensive list of qualities, and in that Tadashi learned that he doesn't have a lovely laugh, or a warm smile or a bright personality, at least not enough for Tsukki.

"I feel so pathetic saying those stuff out. I will stop, I think you got the idea."  _ Thank God _ .

"If you feel like it's enough."

"It's never enough."

Yamaguchi sighed. He wasn't actually reading what his friend was writing, Kei himself said he was just scribbling some ideas and was going to make a worthy text when he got home. But just listening he talking, with so much sparkle in his eyes, made Yamaguchi jealous. He always wanted this sparkle.

"Don't make it too long, Tsukki. Just choose the stuff you feel like is really important. You always been good with synthesize texts. Just calm down and treat it like an ordinary text. "

Kei frowned. Yamaguchi knew he was still lost, but the middle blocker was too proud to ask for much help beyond what he already asked for, which by Tsukki's standards, was too much.

The brunette had two choices: Either he would leave things as they were, or he would give the boy more tips. He was never able to say "no" to the blonde anyways.

"If it was me who was receiving a letter" Yamaguchi took a deep breath, and seeing that it captured the attention of the number 11, he continued "I think I would be very happy if the person noticed in detail that other people wouldn't notice, or wouldn't give attention. It's silly, but you can tell that the person has a great appreciation for you. "

Tsukishima blinked, and the olive-haired boy started to talk again. "I don't have any experience on that, so I'm going to say things that I saw on movies." Lies. "When the main character notice that their love interest had beautiful eyes. Or when they listened them talk about their interests non stop, because the character liked the sound of their voice with such happy tone. When the main character knows their love interest soft spots, and thought it was adorable."

Yamaguchi could name several "when's" which was actually nothing but indirect confessions, things he noticed about Tsukishima that he liked a lot, but saying those would make it even more obvious.

"Yamaguchi, are you in love with someone?"

He choked.

"Yeah, I am."

"I noticed."

* * *

Yamaguchi missed that day's practice, saying he felt sick, which was not a lie. He really felt drained mentally and physically, and he wasn't going to play volleyball to make it worse. He was in a really bad shape, he didn't have the psychological strength to train.

He did nothing all afternoon but cry and sleep. It was dawn again, making exactly 24 hours that he had his heart broken, when he he had the courage to use his cell phone again. There were some messages from his teammates and Tsukishima, which were sent not long after the club's activities. He probably spent an entire hour responding to his team’s worried messages just not to read your best friend's. He probably hadn't noticed anything, and was just as worried as the rest of the club, but the difference was that he wouldn't cry reading messages from Hinata, or Ennoshita, or Tanaka, or everyone else.

But he knew that the next day Kei would ask why he was not answered, and making up an excuse in that state did not seem very possible. He would cry right there, and it would be so pathetic. He wasn't going to humiliate himself any more.

[From: Tsukki (つ▀¯▀)つ]

Hey

Are you feeling better?

Do you want to come to your house after the practice?

… It's been two hours, I will assume you are asleep

But if you see this, please don't bring lunch tomorrow

My mom did tonkatsu and wanted me to bring you some since you love her tonkatsu

I will also bring you some fries

Sloppy, as you like it

I hope you're feeling better

(*＾▽＾)／

I really don't know how to use those emojis

But you find them cute so

Idk

Good night

* * *

He cried himself to sleep again.

The message he received last night shattered him mercilessly and he just wanted it all to end at once, but it seemed like everything in the universe was conspiring against the number 12.

Usually, when he was frustrated, he used to count the stars he had on the bedroom ceiling, something that Tsukishima always liked to observe at sleepovers. 

The stars also reminded him of the galaxy. None of them was a big fan of astronomy, but Tsukishima liked to talk about the name of the planets. Jupiter, in particular, was a sensitive topic.

Fuck Jupiter. Fuck Tsukishima. Tadashi didn't need planets or his moon if it wouldn't help him to recover.

It felt weird to get up of the bed and go to school, but he did it anyways. Is not like being heartbroken was a good excuse for his parents and teachers. 

He met Tsukishima at their usual spot, and after a single "Hello", he didn't said nothing. 

He observed Tsukishima in the corner of his eye, noticing a brief smile dancing on his lips. 

_ "He's so beautiful. I want to kiss him so bad." _ Was the only thing that he could think, but he was also wondering if Tsukki was thinking about his crush, that he would confess today, making the olive-haired boy felt completely helpless.

The day was slow again. Tsukishima did not confess at any of the breaks between classes, and called him to eat together at the lunchtime, so it means that he was probably thinking of confess after school is over.

They heard the ring of the bell and Tsukishima wanted to eat behind the gym, where very few people went to, which now was empty. His friend didn't said a word, just followed the blonde.

As requested, Tadashi did not bring his lunch, and he was able to notice Tsukishima trying to contain a wide smile when the brunette said that. Tsukishima then handed over the lunch box, showing a simple tonkatsu with rice and vegetables, but so well placed that it looked fancy. Tsukishima's lunches were well organized, but the way every high school lunch should be. Today it seemed more special. Maybe he was in a good mood when he did it. 

Yamaguchi smiled slightly, closing the lunchbox he received politely and looking at Tsukishima

"I'm not hungry now, Tsukki. I'm going to try to eat after training." 

"Ah, all right. I ... I have something to give you. Yesterday's letter. "

The love letter he would deliver to your crush later? Was he really asking Tadashi to read?

"Tsukki, I think whoever should read this is the person you like, not me." He frowned in anguish. "Do you want me to judge the content too? Sorry, but this-"

"Just read it. " 

"Tsukki, I-"

"Read it."

Maybe he should get rid of his misery right away. But he doesn't know how he would look at his best friend's face later, if that friendship would last after so much torture.

Hesitantly, he opened the simple envelope, taking a long text out of it. Would he read so much? Maybe he should just pretend to read, then apologize to Tsukishima, then disappear forever and-

_ Dear Tadashi, _

Oh.

_ You helped me yesterday, but I still don't know how to start this. First of all, I wanted to apologize for this, but I was telling the truth yesterday, when I said I couldn't take my feelings anymore, or that I would reduce my ego for you. You are special like that. _

_ Still repeating yesterday's words, what I feel is ineffable. There is no way I can reduce this to words, but I will still try. I love you so much it hurts, an abysmal feeling that I can't stop drowning, never reaching the bottom. _

_ At the same time, what I feel is paradoxical: there were so many bad things that I could drown in and you were the buoy that kept me on the surface, so that I don't mind drowning for you. _

_ First of all, I would like to thank you for what you said, the letter came out much better than I imagined. I hope you can say the same things you said to me yesterday to the person who you like, and I hope even more that they will correspond your feelings. _

_ It's a love letter, should I start with an Shakespearean adulation? I have no doubt that you deserve words even more beautiful than mine, or Shakespeare's, or anyone else's. _

_ You are almost literally a ray of sunshine, in the sense that it makes me feel warm inside. I immediately come to life when I hear your bubbly laugh, or your soft singing when we're sharing my earbuds while listening to music, and you don't think I'm hearing you. I do, and I love it. _

_ You're my favorite. I like literally everything about you, even your flaws. It looks like everything was painstakingly built to be extraordinary. Not perfect, because like I said, you have flaws, just like I have (And much more than you. I have no idea how you can put up with a person like me.) . But extraordinary. You are extraordinarily beautiful, funny, kind (and stubborn as hell). _

_ I love the way your hand is wider than mine (mine are longer, but I also love imagining how it would feel holding mine), I love how easily you get distracted on the bus and I can count every freckle on your face (or almost all, but so far I've counted 26 little stars). I love you even if you have a terrible taste in movies, I love you even if you have no mercy to beat me at Super Smash Bros.  _

_ I love everything about you, and I could spend whole months on that encomium, but I need your answer before the lunchtime ends. _

_ Sorry for all of this. _

_ Sincerely yours,  _

_ Tsukki _

He closed the letter carefully, putting it in his envelope and putting it in his pocket. He felt the weight of Tsukishima's apprehensive gaze on him, but he didn't know how to react. Again, he was crying.

"Yamaguchi, sorry, I-"

"Shut up, Tsukki." They stared at each other for a few minutes, but the brunette couldn't keep his head up.

Tsukishima wanted to escape. In fact, he even tried, but felt Yamaguchi's hand on his wrist. Again looking at the boy, he realized the way he was crying. One of his hands closed, covering his face, covered with tears.

"Why did you do that, Tsukki?" He still hid his face.

"I-"

"Why didn't you confess as a normal person, Tsukki? I'm so mad at you! I thought you liked someone else!"

The blonde froze.

"What?"

"Shut up and hug me already."

He obeyed, feeling the weight of the shorter one fall against him. Kei hugged that boy so tightly, as if he let go, he would disappear. Hee ran his hands through the other boy's hair, feeling Tadashi's tears wet his uniform as he sank his head into the tall man's chest.

"Why did you do that?" The husky voice asked.

"I ... I wouldn't know how to ask anyone else. You're the only person I trust enough to ask. Besides," he cleared his throat. "It had to be perfect, and who better to say no without you? I realized it was stupid, but- "

"Very stupid. I cried so much for nothing."

"Yamaguchi." The boy looked up to face him. "I'm deeply sorry."

"I forgive you, Tsukki. I'm actually relieved, but don't do it again."

"I won't."

"But know that I won't kiss you. You don't deserve it."

"But you do."

A smile came over Yamaguchi's lips.

"Very smart, but I'm not going to fall for it. But not now." He came out of the embrace, wiping his eyes and face. "Why did you think I wouldn't correspond? Literally everyone knows that I like you."

"What?" He looked confused.

"You are really dense, Tsukki!" He laughed. "But maybe I can't judge you. I also didn't know you liked me."

"Since when do you like me?"

"Since you explained me Jupiter."

An intense nostalgia appeared in Tsukishima's mind, as if his friend (or boyfriend? they needed to talk about that later) had dug up a dark space in his mind, which even he had forgotten.

"Yamaguchi, we were thirteen."

"And I have liked you since that day."

He chuckled. 

"I feel even more guilty ..."

"You should." He ate his tonkatsu. "And you? Since when do you like me?"

"Since you yelled at me last year. Like, I always thought you were cute and stuff, and I've thought about kissing you a few times but." He blushed. "I fell in love completely that day."

They laughed and had lunch together. Yamaguchi knew that the blonde was completely touch starved, and did not extend the punishment for long, after all, he was also eager to kiss him. In the short interval between brushing their teeth and returning to the classroom, Tadashi stood on tiptoe and gave Kei a quick peck, who stood there, smiling in the middle of the hall.

After that, the day proceeded normally, and after the club's activities, they returned home hand in hand.

"Tsukki, I just have one more question about today."

"Yes?"

"What does encomium mean?"

Tsukishima laughed. He explained this to his boyfriend last week.

* * *

Tsukishima was completely obsessed with dinosaurs, and only allowed this childishness to be shown in front of his best friend. Almost every day, he talked about curiosity about prehistoric animals, and during his research, he ended up discovering the etymology of Stegosaurus.

Stege means something like "a roof" and Sauros means "lizard". The plates found in the fossil resembled roof tiles, so they put the names together and Stegosaurus was the result.

This was fascinating to him. The logic worked with both other dinosaurs and words in general, which made him search more and more about the meaning of words and what made them.

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, as usual. There was no school, there was no training, there was nobody, just the two of them with too tired eyes to face the TV again and play super smash bros. Instead, they just lay on Yamaguchi's spacious bed, letting the golden evening light gently touch their faces.

"Yamaguchi." The blonde called, sitting on the bed.

"Yes, Tsukki?" At that moment, the voice came out a little broken, a consequence of puberty, but it wasn't as if someone called much.

"Do you know how they created the word Jupiter?"

"No." He replied attentively.

Tsukishima sighed, but he didn't look angry. He just looked like he was going to take a breath before he started talking, like he was getting ready.

"Jupiter is the Father God of Roman mythology. The Father God in Latin is 'Dio pater', which in time was reduced to 'Iupater'." He looked out the window, facing the garden outside. "Again, the word became 'Iupiter', and finally, Jupiter. What do you think?"

The moment they met, Tsukishima's golden eyes were brighter than ever. It wasn't just the sun, but he was genuinely happy to talk about Jupiter. It was at that moment that Yamaguchi felt his heart beat faster, and his cheeks were being tinted in red.

He will never forget those eyes when his friend talked about Jupiter.

"That's amazing, Tsukki!"

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of the fanfic is not mine, it belongs to a friend of mine, who I just developed and added some things  
> Who explained Jupiter's etymology to me was my history teacher, who is one of the most brilliant guys I know. He told me that at the beginning of the year and I haven't stopped thinking about it until now.  
> It was fun to search for new words! Apparently, English is advanced, so I don't know if everyone understood some of the words I used, so I'm going to leave the meaning down here for people who are as lay as I am ^^  
> -Whimsical: unusual and strange in a way that might be funny or annoying  
> \- Circumspect: careful not to take risks  
> \- Flabbergasted: feeling shocked, usually because of something you were not expecting  
> \- Schadenfreude: a feeling of pleasure or satisfaction when something bad happens to someone else  
> \- Ineffable: causing so much emotion, especially pleasure, that it cannot be described  
> \- Abysmal: (This word has two meanings, which I used the literal, I hope I didn't get ambiguous) very bad (adjective) or very deep (literal)  
> \- Adulation: very great admiration or praise for someone, especially when it is more than is deserved  
> \- Encomium: a piece of writing, speech, etc. that praises someone or something
> 
> All of these definitions belong to the Cambridge Dictionary
> 
> Kudos and comments are really appreciated!


End file.
